Caffeine is the tool of the devil.

Back in the day, I would consume 44 oz'ers or half of a 2 liter of diet Coke a day, people. No big whoop. Now? A medium-sized fountain cup can keep me awake and non-sleepy until Carson Daly comes on NBC. Carson, people! That's not right! It's wrong!

There are things to report, but where to begin? Still no wedding date or any of that stuff. My hometown church is "booked" on the two December dates I'm interested in. And by booked, I mean they have one wedding scheduled on each date. One! A lot of churches do THREE a day and they're locking the doors after one, for heaven's sake. The place IS free for the September date that's a possibility, but just the thought of getting stuff done in six months (!) makes me nervous.

And before you think, "Sarah, darling, there are two months between September and December," alas, those months aren't options. The fiance doesn't ask for much, but he has asked that the wedding not take place on twelve specific Saturdays. So our options are to get married before the Ohio State football seasons starts, after the Ohio State football regular season ends, or on the Ohio State football bye week in September. And I'm cool with that.

I talked to my boss today about another possible way I could stay in my current job with my current company but still in Columbus. She would have to make the concession of not having me in the office full-time, even though I would still be do the same work full-time, just from a different office. I'm going to let her mull it over and inquire about the possibility with higher ups if she wants to. I'll broach the topic again in a week or two to see what she thinks. I know she'd like to keep me but may not want to go that route. If that's the case, I'd understand but then I'll probably check out sooner rather than later. Just last week I told the fiance that while I was emotionally ready to move to Columbus, that was with me keeping my job. I said I wasn't emotionally ready to leave my job yet and he completely understood. But just yesterday, something came up and I thought, "Oh well, I won't be here much longer to have to bother with that." Hee! I think I'm getting emotionally ready - and how! That's why I brought up the idea with the boss. I need to know now if staying is a possibility so I don't mentally divorce myself too soon from this job.

But I tell you, it's getting harder and harder to be here with him there, especially after the whole work thing fell through. I just keep wondering what I'm waiting for. I'll get enough money from selling my cute, perfect house that I could comfortably take months to find the right next job for me without feeling the need to accept a position just for a paycheck. And to have that time to plan a wedding and work on our (currently his) house would be great. So why exactly am I trying to hold on to this job? I think a big part is that I've been in this job for five years and I don't really know what else I can do. And I'm afraid that I won't like my next job as much as I like this one.

And speaking of jobs, did I mention the fiance (You know, that sounds sillier than the boyfriend, even though that was silly, too - so he shall now be know as [drum roll]...D! Yeah, not original but better.) started a new job a few weeks ago? I think this will be a good gig for him. He's a 1099 employee which means he's basically self-employed but for one employer (at least, I think that's what it means) so he's kind of his own boss. He's not slaving away for The Man - his pay is directly related to his ability to complete his job and do it well. So now he determines his own destiny to a certain extent. He's no longer stuck behind a desk in front of a computer all day. He'll be more physically active and can interact with new people every day, which should suit him well. He's had to invest a lot into getting this endeavor up and running and I know extending himself that way makes him very nervous. That's another reason I'd like to be there with him now, regardless of my employment status. I just want to hold him and kiss him and let him know he will succeed and everything will work out just the way it should.

Golly, I love him.